Currently Reading The Cross Centered Life: Keeping the Gospel The Main Thing By C.J. Mahaney see related

My hopes and dreams..

Hope In God

Well, this entry is for Cindi...so you have something new to read, well really I think I've told you all this so I don't think it will be new for you

Today a line from a hymn has been running through my head: When all around my soul gives way, He then is all my hope and stay.

What do we turn to when everything around us gives way? Piper says, "For nothing glorifies God more than maintaining our stability and joy when we lose everything but God."

Man has it been a year. I can't say that I have lost everything but God, that's for sure. But it's been a hard year. Just yesterday I received some bad news- it may or may not be as serious as it seems, it may or may not effect my plans to go to Germany next year- but all I know is I woke up yesterday morning thinking about snow boots and community day, and within 2 hours I felt as though all around my soul had given way. And in that moment, and all day yesterday, and all day today, I can say that God is all my hope and stay.

It's a weird feeling to be upheld by the hand of God. Do you know what I mean? Do you know when something hits you so hard that you feel you should crumble, but in fact just the opposite happens? You feel strong, and joyful, and your heart is praising God and blessing His name- and you have no idea why? But even though it makes no sense, God's grace seems to explain it all. "When you are weak, then you are strong."

Suffering is weird as well, because the degree of pain doesn't always match the degree of suffering. I have faced trials that certainly haven't been as hard- but have been far more painful. But then I have faced trials that should be harder, but they aren't as painful. Again, this is only explained by God's grace.

Also, I have once again realized that God is unchanging. Just last week I was reading Psalm 103 and it was the cry of my heart- Bless the Lord oh my soul, and forget none of His benefits! Yesterday I read the same Psalm through tears- and I realized that God hasn't changed in the last week. He is still worthy of all my praise. I can still say, Bless the Lord oh my soul, and forget none of His benefits!

And lastly I am seeing God's great power! Abraham was willing to kill his only son because He considered that God is able to raise people from the dead. God can take a life that is perfectly healthy, and raise a body that is dead. He can spare someone who has terminal cancer, and kill someone who seems to have their whole life ahead of them. Piper was updating his congregation on his cancer the other day, and he was saying that the good news is that 94% of men who underwent his treatment are cancer free in 10 years. And he may be part of that 94%, or he may be part of the 6%. But his hope doesn't rest on percentages, it rests on God- who is good, and gracious, and loving, and powerfully able to raise even from the dead.

Those are my thoughts for tonight....

So I have decided to go work at a school called Black Forest Academy in Germany next year. It was crazy. Over Christmas break I was sure I would stay in Santa Clarita and pursue my master's degree in Biblical Counseling. But God began convicting me of my wordliness and desire for comfort. I was made for more than that. I was made for more than what this world has to offer and I don't want to settle for satisfaction in something so far less than God's glory! I remember driving and thinking, "I have to go...I was made for something more." And listening to a song that say, "I know your love like it runs through my vains." Do I? So the next day I wrote down all the reasons why I didn't want to go along with all the reasons why I want to go. So here is a glimpse of why I am going:

Currently Listening Home By Michael Bublé see related

"The day would come when tortoise faith would catch
The bounding hare of pain and match
His power, not his pace, and win.
Judge not from how the two begin." -John Piper

I stared at this statement over and over again, and read it aloud so I could fully comprehend what it means. I am comforted by these few short lines from Piper's poem about Ruth. Our faith and our pain don't always align. Sometimes the pain is so intense that our faith seems slow in comparison. At one point last semester I realized I needed to start living with faith that I didn't have. It has become more and more true as time has progressed. Sometimes I feel as though my circumstances are far too much for my feeble faith. But pain is momentary.

"Therefore, we do not lose heart, but though our outer man is decaying, yet our inner man is being renewed day by day. For momentary, light affliction is producing for us an eternal weight of glory far beyond all comparions, while we look not at the things which are seen, but at the things which are not seen; for the things which are seen are temporal but the things which are not seen are eternal." - 2 Corinthians 4:16-18

The "momentary and light afflictions" that Paul is talking about in this passage include imprisonments, being beaten time without number, being in danger of death, lashings, beatings, stonings, shipwrecks (plural!), journeys, living in constant danger, labor and hardship, sleepless nights, hunger, thirst, going without food, being cold and exposed- as well as being burdened for the churches he was ministering to (2 Cor. 11:23-30). Certainly there must have been times for Paul when the suffering seemed to be progressing much more quickly than his faith could keep up with. But the suffering will pass. And our faith, like the turtle, will endure and it will remain. It will be steadfast because it is rooted and grounded in Jesus Christ. So may everything that comes our way remind us of the unquenchable faith given to us through the blood of Christ. His power will prevail.

Last night I had the worst dream. I am more writing this down so I don't forget it. But I dreamt that when I got back to school- they had moved me from being an RA in Hotchkiss to C-Dub. And C-Dub was beautiful and so nice. It was super lavish and more like a mansion- and they had moved all of C-dub down to Hotchkiss. But the worst part was, I got back, and they had changed my roommate (my new roommate with remain nameless). But they had just decided that I needed a different roommate so they gave me a different one and my roommate was not even living in my dorm! Okay but it was weird, because downstairs was still the big suite room. But they took that away from me and put me upstairs. And then they moved all these girls on my wing (who aren't even on my wing now, but in my dream they had been on my wing) so that it was entirely different. So Jackie and I sat down to talk about all the changes, and she wouldn't tell me why or anything other than that she realized that she should have talked to me first, but there was nothing she could do. Wow, it was a stressful dream. And then just as I was writing this Jackie called!!!